wading through shit

Becoming a mum. Navigating our life after loss. Waiting for our rainbow.

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2017

2017…our best year yet?

December 31, 2017 / wadingthroughshit / 4 Comments

How could that be when you’ve lost your son? When your baby has died? When your heart has been well and truly shattered into a million pieces?

But how about if we looked at it differently?

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The second instalment in the countdown to our ten year wedding anniversary next week.....9 days to go! • One thing I can count on Dave for is the ability to make me laugh, like really really laugh. This is one of the reasons I had to share this photo because it makes me smile so much. Our attempt at taking a photo and he managed to pull my hair in the process 🙄🤣 • Circa 2014 - ten years since we met and still going strong! • Love ALWAYS wins ♥️ • #teamhopkinsmakeitten #MrandMrsHopkins2009 #tenyearanniversary #thesecondinstallment #howilovethisman #forevermakingmelaugh #casahopkins #myabsoluteworld #iloveyoumoreeveryday #lovealwayswins

Dave and I celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary in 10 days time (say whaaaattttt?!) on the 25th July. • We’ve been together over 14 years, we were just a mere 18 year old (me) and 23 year old (him) when we met and were engaged just 11 short weeks later. And here we are - still going strong, and I’m still sickeningly in love with him ♥️ • So to celebrate ‘insta’ style, for the next 10 days I’m going to share some photos of us through the years. After all, we’ve been through a hella few years and that leaves me feeling even more than ever that we deserve to celebrate us! • So here’s the first.....us on a big family group holiday to Greece in 2007 - fresh faced and only two years in. • Love ALWAYS wins ♥️ • #teamhopkinsmakeitten #MrandMrsHopkins2009 #tenyearanniversary #apparentlyitstin #howilovethisman #casahopkins #throughtheyears #myabsoluteworld #iloveyoumoreeveryday #lovealwayswins

F R I E N D S H I P S 🖤 • I remember in the early days, following Dexter’s death, reading about how people lose around 90% of their relationships following the loss of a child. I was staggered. When you already feel so alone, how could you be made to feel even more isolated? • And yet it’s happened to us. I wouldn’t say 90% but at least 60%. And it’s still happening. It started following my ectopic nearly 4 years ago. Close friends distanced themselves and it came as a shock. It hurt. • Since Dexter’s death, we’ve felt it the most. We’ve lost some of our closest friends, friends who I thought we’d have had in our lives forever. It’s not for me to go into it on here as there’s always two sides isn’t there? I’m a different person since having to cope with the loss of my son but deep down, I know the ‘old’ Ruth is still there and she is brought out by the people who know me and love me the most. • Last night, I had to accept that I’ve lost another relationship now. One that I have chased and chased and chased in the past few months and to no avail. It became apparent why last night and it’s now time I accept that it’s done. I’m hurt and I feel let down, I had worried so much the past couple of months that I had done something wrong. One of my faults is that I’m too trusting, too believing and too nice - which leads to my heart being really hurt sometimes. • But it’s time now, to once again protect my heart, and preserve what little daily energy I have left for the small few (both family and friends) that have clung on; the ones who make Dexter part of their life, the ones who don’t make us feel like we’re a burden or a bore, the ones I can laugh/cry/yak away to - the ones who know the old and new Dave and Ruth and who couldn’t care which version we are when we see them, they just are there. • Happy Sunday peeps - that’s my musings for the day ✌🏻 • #lifeafterloss #therealityofgrief #grievingparents #butwerestillus #ournewnormal #protectyourheart #byebyefelicia #imgoingtobecomeahermit #lovealwayswins

S U N D A Y ✨ • It’s been a much needed quiet one for us after an exhausting but fab 3 day residential with my Y6s. I’m still shattered but coming out the other side of it now! • It was so lovely to come home to see Dexter’s hydrangea blooming in full force 🐻🌸 lovingly looked after by his bear friend. • I can’t quite believe we’ve actually managed to keep a plant alive for two years now, it’s a miracle for us! • Hope everyone’s Sunday has been kind to them and the Monday blues haven’t crept in just yet 🙏🏻 • #dexterbearshydrangea #dexterbearsbearbuddy #bearprotector #wevekeptaplantalive #miraclesdohappen #longmayitcontinue #happysundaydays

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