wading through shit

Becoming a mum. Navigating our life after loss. Waiting for our rainbow.

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2017

2017…our best year yet?

December 31, 2017 / wadingthroughshit / 4 Comments

How could that be when you’ve lost your son? When your baby has died? When your heart has been well and truly shattered into a million pieces?

But how about if we looked at it differently?

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Awkward AF but a potential life-saver. Can’t beat a bit of #fannyadmin for a half-term treat!! • #stronggirlsclub #smearforsmear #howsyourladygarden #lifesaver #noawkwardchathere #getscrapingthosecells

I can’t imagine a day when it won’t be hard to believe. My forever question will be ‘how can this be?’ • #whentimestoodstill #hardtobelieve #howcanthisbe #lifeafterloss #whathealsyou #stillbornstillloved #grievingparents #wishyouwerehere #thinkingofyoualways #loveyouforever #wadingthroughshit

Just a photo? • To anyone outside of our world, this would just look like a little boy having a cuddle with his Uncle Dave, but in reality this photo is so much more. • After Dexter’s death, Dave was ok being around our friends’ children but understandably really struggled to hold them or interact with them. We were lucky enough (and still are) that our family and friends completely understood this and knew that in time, Dave would find the courage to hold them again. And this is what this photo represents - that day. • That moment that my heart both exploded with pride and broke into a million pieces. I knew what this moment meant, what it represented and I was so proud of Dave. His mum and I couldn’t look at each other as the tears rolled down our faces, but we knew, we knew what this moment was. • And today (18 months later), we get to become Godparents to this little munchkin and we could not be more proud. Had Dexter been alive, the two of them would have been 6 or so months apart and so I know they’d have been the bestest buds. This little one has brought so much joy to our lives, a rainbow himself, who always has the widest and cheeriest of smiles. He’s such joy to be around and (as ridiculous as this sounds) I know that he knows - he gives me the most gentle cuddles, he says bear all the time and says Dexter when he looks at my cremation necklace. A child’s intuition is an incredible thing. • So here’s to this gorgeous boy on his very special day, one that we couldn’t be more proud of to be a part of 💙 • #aphotothatspeaksa1000words #oneproudmoment #lifeafterloss #dadsgrievetoo #thegodfather #bestestbearbuds #dexterbearsbuddies #happychristeningday #proudgodparents #wishyouwerehere #lovealwayswins

Valentine’s Day - some would say it’s a load of commercialised bullshit? That it may be but I’m planted firmly in the ‘any excuse to buy a card and celebrate love’ camp ♥️ I bloody love it! I mean, I’m sure Dave would say it’s Valentine’s Day every day for him in our house 😉 and I’m sure he loves having to get on board with it each year but 😋 • Love is what has kept me going the past few years; in the smallest of ways and the hugest of ways. It’s been his love. Dexter’s love. My family’s love. Our friends’ love. The love you find at the end of a good rom-com. The love you have when you eat your favourite brownie. The love you have for Paperchase’s new stationery lines. The love you feel when you get in a hot bath with a new Lush bath bomb. The love you have lighting new candles. The love you feel when you’re reduced to tears through laughter. The love you have for music that is buried deep in your soul. The love you have for arriving home from work on a Friday. The love you get from the outdoors. There is love to be found in many things and there’s just a few of mine ♥️ • Being able to have someone, something, anything to love is such a powerful and meaningful thing. David Hopkins - Valentine’s Day will always belong to you, a day where I get to thank you for all that you do - you really are a top human and I am eternally grateful that you chose me and that I get to celebrate our 14th Valentine’s Day together. Top bloke, top daddy and top ranking in the husband stakes (even when you do look like a common thug sporting a black eye 🙄) • *Can’t wait for our cinema date tonight - two hours of not speaking to each other, your favourite sort of evening I’m sure!! • Love ALWAYS wins ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤 • #happyvalentinesday #lovealwayswins #everydayisvalentinesday #celebratelove #loveislove #anyexcuseforacard #lovethisone #missingsomeonetoo #wishyouwerehere #myforevervalentine #oneofmyfavouritephotos

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